haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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