Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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