You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
