You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
