he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
