I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How does it feel to date your dad?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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