Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
