Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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