i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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