I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
