Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
