Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
