Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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