Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
