Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
