After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
