My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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