i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
