i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
