My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
