There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
