I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
