I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
