so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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