yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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