cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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