I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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