just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Terrible idea I love it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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