I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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