My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
