dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
