I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
