I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
