it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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