my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
