the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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