You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
