We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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