I think i peed on brittanys purse
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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