I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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