my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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