I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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