How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
