You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
