So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
