do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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