Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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