this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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