i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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