i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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