A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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