I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
