Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
