meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
