Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I deserve this hangover.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
