This is not my ceiling
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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